Hiiiiii thank for downloding my riften overhaul mod. As a thank you I am including a story my friend wrote:


After the flop of Goosebumps and being recasted for a role in Kung Fu Panda 3, Jack Black has had enough, the world would not accept him in serious roles anymore. He needed a cause, so he thought of all the things he hated: Socialism, Crusaders, and Poland. So a plan devised in his mind, a plan for redemption.

He fought his way into Syria, to the ancient castle of Masyaf, the insurgents stood no chance, when he approached the leader of the castle he only said �You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.� Then vanquished the leader right then and there. He approached the back garden and approached a tomb, he opened it and raised his hand, as he did so the earth shook and the sky turned a deep green. As the earth shook, a ghastly apparition appeared before Jack, it formed more and more. It was Salah al Din, the King of the Saracens who successfully fended off the city of jerusalem from the Crusaders of 1194. Both Jack and Salah al Din knew what must be done. The 5 armies of the holy land marched towards Masyaf from the horizon.
Finally Jack announced.

eses.�Jack: �I played, like, a year of piano until I learned the Pink Panther theme. That was my goal. Once I was good enough, I quit. Now my music has to have some rock.�
And the armies rejoiced.
Jack: �When I was a kid, I thought I was the strongest man in the world. Then, the fastest runner and then the smartest person in the world. One by one my delusions got shut down. Now I just see myself as the lamest guy in the world.�
The armies rejoiced.
Salah al Din spoke.
Salah al Din: �The Zengids must take the golden horn and hold it, this will prevent the crusaders advance from the south, Fatimid shall lead his army and take Poland, this will prevent the socialists from the northeast, I shall lead the Saracens and unite the Germanic tribes with Jack Black.�
The armies rejoiced.

6676 miles away, in a small home in Montpelier, an old man sat drinking tea and writing to unions. The man? Bernie �Ben� Kenobi. His wife, Jane approached him and saw his mind was clouded.
Jane: �Whats wrong dear?�
Bernie �Obi-wan� Kenobi: �There is an unbalance in geopolitics, I fear as though someone has done something drastic to make up for their own lack of self-esteem.�
Jane: �Did Donald Trump make fun of disabled people again?�
Bernie �Obi-wan� Kenobi: �Worse.�
Jane: �Did George Clooney win an oscar again?�
Bernie �Obi-wan� Kenobi: �Worse.�
Jane: �Did Kirk Cameron make another Saving christmas movie?�
Bernie �Obi-wan� Kenobi: �Worse.�
Jane: �Then what is it?�
Bernie �Obi-wan� Kenobi: �Jack Black has escaped house arrest.�
Bernie stood up from his lounging chair, and approached his closet. He reached in and grabbed an old horn, made of a sheep horn. He dusted it off and put it in his computer bag. He then grabbed a bag, it was an especially heavy bag. And he was on his way.

Three days later Jack Black has taken Turkey, Poland, Greece, Luxembourg, and Hungary. His armies consisted of the Saracens, Greeks, and a Polish banker. He stood at the border of Germany, half his army raised.

Jack: �There's nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Are you hungry? Then you're gonna eat it.�
The armies rejoiced again.
Jack: �I make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.�
The armies rejoiced.
Jack: �I'm gonna drop fitty. I'm gonna drop fitty pounds. How many quarter-pounders with cheeses is that? I'm gonna drop 200 quarter-pounder with cheeses."