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Real name

Sia Nox

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Netherlands Netherlands

About

The name Xenius will cease to exist in the near future. It just reminds of bad times and negative experiences; mostly stuff that has nothing to do with modding. The mods weren't the problem. Real life issues were.

 

This is a rather complicated situation. I just want to move on and recover.

 

 

 

Triangle

 

Trinity

 

Suffering

 

 


 

 

[size=7]Sia Nox[/size]

[size=7]Night Flower[/size]

 

Creator of otherworldly, mythological beings and character improvements

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The contents of my mods are open source and can be used freely on the following conditions:

Credit me, notify me and only use them for the game they were intended for.

 

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Now, let me tell you a little story about myself...

 

Last year, I was in hospital, where they treated me as a criminal. It was a mental hospiltal, where I have seen hell. Everything that could go wrong seemed to wrong. They gave me a strong mecicine called "Haldol" which made me go insane instead of making me better. Toxic waste is what it is. I am a sensitive person, if they give me wrong stuff things go sideways. Such as ruining the ceiling because I imagined I was being spied on. Another side effect was even worse. Every day I was having vivid nightmares which I had zero control over. About pain, torture, death, abandonement, alien visitation and all sorts of other nasty things.

 

They left me all by myself in a tiny cell they call a room, and didn't bother telling where the freaking toilet was. They pushed me to the ground and held me down like some dangerous criminal, I had difficulty breathing. And now I only feel comfortable around women. Good job male nurses...

 

One of the anxieties I have is a deeply rooted fear of death. Always lurking in the shadows. Coming up from time to time. Ruining my day and making myself cry to sleep.

 

In that twisted place they call a mental hospital I lost many of my dear possessions. they just disappear there for whatever reason. Luckily insurance covered part of the damages.

 

I got out of that place hellhole somehow.

 

Unfortunately, I was brought back there a little over six weeks ago (around half September 2018).

After another psychotic episode, caused by infinite hopelessness.

At least they treated me better this time.

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Before the mental stuff it was always physical ailments that affected my life intensely. Right on day one of my life, I was brought into a life full of suffering. I was born two months prematurely, was being kept alive artificially and had to fight to survive.

 

Also I was born with a condition called "Craniosynosthosis". Yeah sure you can look that up, it is not pretty though. What is it? A deformity of the skull. Until my 18th I have been through countless of hospital visits and six surgeries. They always took pictures of my "ugly mug" and when I was sixteen they put a miniature torture device in my mouth. Why the hack would they do that? Well they cut my jaw in two pieces and something had to keep it together I guess.

 

Yes, my life is quite a horror story...

[size=8].[/size]

 

Did people ever bully you? I hear you asking.

Not really. Although certain people found it difficult to be around me. Because I don't do jokes and I don't talk much. I am a very quiet / shy person. So, not truly bullying; but still enough to influence many of my nightmares.

 

So far, life has been to much of a challenge.

 

What's the point of life anyway, if you die in the end...

I fear death.

Do you?

[size=8].[/size]

 

To be continued.

 

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My characters have always been inspired by other artists, such as H. R. Giger and various musicians. I also use my real life

experiences as a source of inspiration. Mostly negative ones. This makes them rather personal too. I will be glad to show them again; which will happen soon enough.

 

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I always hated becoming a popular mod author right on the day Skyrim was released.

I will not be missing my millions of downloads and thousands of endorsements.

All I care about is that there are still people out there enjoying my creations!

 

Unfortunately I cannot guarantee there being anything new from me in the near future.

It is a wish for sure, I just need to find the energy and motivation to start a new project.

It has been a very long time since I did that for the last time.

 

Be patient, please...

 

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Some of my favourite music:

 

Tristania

Android Lust

Unter Null

Sui Generis Umbra

Chiasm

Salem

Ic3peak

Valhall

T.a.t.u.

Theodor Bastard

Love Is Colder Than Death

 

Check out my last.fm: https://www.last.fm/user/Sianox

 

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PC Specs:

 

Mostly old junk...

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CPU: AMD Phenom II X4 955 Black Edition 3,2Ghz
GPU: AMD Radeon RX580 4GB (Sapphire Pulse)
RAM: AMD 8GB DDR3 Black Edition (OCZ rebrand)
SSD: Samsung 830 256GB | Samsung EVO 860 1TB
HDD: Hitachi 1TB + 1TB 5400rpm

MB: Asus M4N75TD
Misc: Asus Xonar DS, FiiO USB DAC, Asus Wi-Fi + Bluetooth 4.2, Startech.com USB 3.0 pci-e card

 

 

Galleries

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 Stuff I watch:

[size=7] [/size][size=7]
[background=transparent]https://www.imdb.com/user/ur94671897/[/background]
[/size]

 

Gaming:

 

Steam: xenius01/Sianox

Origin: Xenius01

GOG: Xenius01

 

Learning Graphics and Web Design

 


 

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