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About this mod
Who needs real financial stress when you can lose fake money in Pelican Town? Trade stocks with your crops profits while Pierre judges your life choices. Features realistic market volatility, trading fees that make you cry, and enough charts to confuse even Clint. Perfect for when farming gets too relaxing and you need the anxiety of day trading.
- Requirements
- Permissions and credits
- Changelogs
- Donations
Welcome to the Pelican Town Stock Exchange - Where Dreams Go to Die! 📈💸
Ever thought farming was too simple? Missing the sweet anxiety of watching your money disappear in real-time? Well, congratulations! You've found the mod that turns your peaceful valley life into a Wall Street nightmare simulator!
What This Mod Offers Your Sanity:
- Professional Trading Interface - Because nothing says "relaxing farm life" like candlestick charts and RSI indicators
- Real-time Market Data - Watch stocks move faster than your crops grow (and probably crash harder too)
- Technical Analysis Tools - Bollinger Bands, MACD, and other fancy words that sound important
- Portfolio Management - Track how much money you would've lost if this were real
- Trading Fees - Because even fake brokers need to eat
- Live Market Updates - Refresh every 2 seconds, perfect for developing that healthy trading addiction
🎯 Buy and sell stocks using your hard-earned gold (RIP savings account)
📊 Advanced charting with more indicators than a Christmas tree
💰 Deposit/Withdraw system (Gold ↔ USD conversion)
📈 Live candlestick charts that update faster than your attention span
🎲 Realistic market volatility (some stocks crash harder than your first Prismatic Shard attempt)
📱 Professional UI that makes you feel important while losing money
Behold! The "Blue Chips" of Pelican Town's Descent into Capitalism:
Ready to diversify your impending financial doom? Here are the lovingly crafted investment opportunities waiting to tank your G. Each stock comes with its own unique flavor of despair:
- SEEDY (Pierre's "Premium" Produce Exchange)
- Description: For when you want to bet on the odds of Pierre actually selling your Gold Star crops as his own "premium" goods... again. High risk, questionable reward.
- Volatility: High (0.08m), fueled by Pierre's questionable business practices.
- Sector: Agriculture (or is it daylight robbery?)
- THRIV (Joja Capital Management)
- Description: Invest in the unstoppable "progress" of Joja. Guaranteed returns (for Joja Corp, mostly). Side effects may include loss of soul and small-town charm.
- Volatility: Lower (0.04m), thanks to that cold, hard corporate stability.
- Sector: Corporate Retail (and Soul Harvesting)
- HAYNOW (Marnie's Animal Asset Amalgamation)
- Description: Track the speculative value of livestock that may or may not be available for purchase when you actually need them. Is she in the barn or staring at the microwave today? That's the gamble!
- Volatility: Very High (0.12m). Will she be there? Won't she? Nobody knows!
- Sector: Livestock & Agriculture (and General Unpredictability)
- GEODE (Clint's "Crushing It" Commodities)
- Description: Invest in the thrilling possibility of finding something other than 10 pieces of coal. Will it be an Iridium Sprinkler or just... more rocks? The excitement is unbearable (and usually unwarranted).
- Volatility: Extremely High (0.15m). It's basically a lottery ticket.
- Sector: Mining & Minerals (mostly just rocks, though)
- BAITD (Willy's Wild Water Wagers)
- Description: For those who enjoy the thrill of uncertainty, much like wondering if you'll reel in a legendary fish or just another piece of soggy Joja Cola trash.
- Volatility: High (0.10m), as fickle as the fish themselves.
- Sector: Marine & Fishing (and Discarded Rubbish Collection)
- GUSSY (Stardrop Saloon Speculations)
- Description: The only market that fluctuates based on Gus's daily specials and Pam's bar tab. A truly volatile investment.
- Volatility: High (0.09m), directly correlated with Pam's thirst.
- Sector: Food & Beverage (mostly Beverage)
- VOIDM (Wizard's Arcane Asset Group)
- Description: For those who believe in "magical" returns. Profits may disappear and reappear without explanation. Consult your local Junimos for insider trading tips (not financial advice).
- Base Price: An enigmatic 89.99 G
- Volatility: Extreme (0.20m). What did you expect from literal magic?
- Sector: Magic & Mysticism (and Unexplainable Losses)
- TRASH (Linus's "Foraged" Fortunes)
- Description: One man's trash is another man's treasure... or at least a tradable commodity on this highly speculative exchange. Dumpster diving experience is a plus.
- Volatility: Maximum (0.25m). This penny stock is wilder than a foraging trip after a storm.
- Sector: Waste Management & Foraging (emphasis on Waste)
- CAKEY (Haley's "Helpful" Holdings)
- Description: Invest in the ever-shifting moods and photographic "art" of Pelican Town's most discerning resident. High volatility, dependent on seasonal whims and quality of gifts.
- Volatility: High (0.14m). Good luck predicting this one.
- Sector: Photography & Lifestyle (and Mood Swings)
- SHORTS (Mayor Lewis's "Totally Transparent" Treasury)
- Description: A market based entirely on the "solid gold" integrity of Pelican Town's leadership. All investments are definitely used for community projects and not, for example, solid gold statues. Wink, wink.
- Volatility: Moderate (0.06m), because "political stability" is a thing, right?
- Sector: Government & Public Services (and Suspiciously Specific Statues)
Perfect For Players Who:
- Miss the thrill of checking stock prices at 3 AM
- Want to explain to their spouse why they're stressed about fake investments
- Enjoy the challenge of timing the market (spoiler: you can't)
- Think farming simulator needs more capitalism
- This is PURE SIMULATION - No real money involved (your dignity is another story)
- Not connected to actual stock markets (thankfully)
- Any resemblance to real trading platforms is purely coincidental
- Side effects may include: checking prices obsessively, mumbling about "diamond hands," and explaining technical analysis to your chickens
How to Use:Load up your capitalist farm and press INS and let the nightmare of financial freedom haunts you.
Support the Developer:
If this mod successfully turned your zen farming experience into a capitalist nightmare, consider supporting the chaos at:
https://buymeacoffee.com/arizoenna
Remember: In the stock market, time in the market beats timing the market... but in Stardew Valley, sometimes you just want to grow some parsnips in peace. 🌱📊
Installation Note: Just drop it in your mods folder and prepare to never look at your crops the same way again!