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The author has locked this comment topic for the time beingI have returned to streaming after 5 years to try and at least pay for my dinner each night. I want to thank everyone who has supported me during this really difficult time. Streaming has been helping me as it keeps me busy and helps me meet new people and pass time and have a laugh, temporarily forgetting my problems.
If you want to help me further, a simple way is to subscribe to my channel and come to some of the streams, or even simply leave the streams up to help me get my watch time up so I can be monetized sooner.
Please visit my channel, I would appreciate the support!
https://www.youtube.com/@Masked_Official
Below are some examples of my silly content! I have also added some timestamps of funny moments. I hope you guys like the thumbnails and channel branding!
BRAND NEW TRAILER!!!
Please watch the entire video (it's just 1 min 35 seconds) as it will help my watch time!!!
It's free and helps me out so much!!!!
#positivity!
Please like and subscribe! Streaming and selling my services (thumbnails/graphics/branding/logos) is now my full-time job.
I will try to make this short and sweet, actually I will put this in point form.
- When I was between the ages of 6 and 9 I was abused by two teachers.
- I finally got away from it all when my parents moved to Italy.
- In 2007, I was a wealthy man. I had fancy car, had $70,000 in the bank ready to buy a house. I fell into a sinkhole while at work and injured my back and needed surgery on my hand. It was scary but I survived. The experience however left me with a tonne of trauma. I don't know why but when I saw the large crowd gathered to help me out of the sinkhole (I fell into a cement pit btw, lucky to be alive) it reminded me of my abuse. Why you may ask? Well I would be abused by 2 teachers, who would then teach grade 6 to sing songs about my weight. So randomly 20-30 kids would walk up to me ( a fricken 6 year old boy) and all sing a song they learned from my abusers. So when I saw this large crowd it reminded me of that. I ended up suffering from a form of PTSD. I tried to take my own life 3 times while at work the following week. I never worked again.
- I raised my kids as a stay at home dad for the next 6 years.
- I never told a soul about my abuse until I was in my early thirties. I was dying, I was diagnosed with multiple tumors, an annular tear thanks to one of them bursting and also had a perforated intestine. This all happened between late 2012 and 2013.
- 2013 I have multiple spinal injections to help with the pain. I refused spinal surgery and we monitored the tumors. They weren't growing but they would occasionally burst and bleed causing pain.
- 2014 I had a foot of my intestine removed due to persistent perforations due to a weakened wall in my colon. I survived but due to a short colon, I have a lot of mishaps with the bathroom. This made me fearful of leaving my home. I also had a lot of back pain which made it difficult for me to function.
- I worked on RLO during this whole time. I was barely eating, I went through 5 surgeries in this time. I spent 3000 hours making RLO and asking for nothing in return.
- I was married at the time and had 3 kids. All seemed well until 2016. My then wife began to be aggressive and would start hitting me for no reason or accusing me of things I did not do. I never hit back but I had to get the police involved multiple times and had to get family services involved as it happened in front of children.
- I found out my then wife was cheating, I found out she had stolen my identity and gathered 20k in gambling debts under my name. I also found out she was a methamphetamine addict. I had to kick her out of my home.
- I had to declare bankruptcy because of all her debts. I found out she also stole $2500 from my parents and $50,000 from her own mother. She fled the country.
- She was reported missing by her family and I became a suspect. I was interviewed by police and they said and I quote "its a bit strange that your wife went missing for 3 months and you haven't reported it." I said "I kicked her out months ago, shes a drug addict". A week or two later she returned to the country. She had crocodile tears and tried to apologize her way out of it.
- In 2017, my ex knocked on my window because she needed help. She looked to have been beaten as she was pretty bruised up. She asked for a cuddle. She seemed a bit out of it so I let her in. When she entered my home, she had a bag full of sex toys. She even had cans of SPAM. I kid you not, this is all true. She proceeded to cook me spam on a pan. I was left dumbfounded. I told her I didn't want any SPAM and I went to my room to cry. It was just so strange and distressing to see someone I once loved in such a terrible state. Even though I hated her, she was still the mother of my kids. She came into the room about 5 minutes later completely naked. I was laying on the bed, and at the time I could barely lift myself cause of my back issues flaring up. She got on top of me and proceeded to sexually assault me. I have kept this secret until now. I told her to leave after managing to turn my self onto my belly. She did leave but she scoffed and said "A man can never say no to a woman".
- I raise my kids, without child support from 2016 to 2023. In this time I developed a problem with fainting. It started live on one of my youtube streams. It only happened once every few months and now, it happens daily. It's terrible, its terrifying and I have been trying to resolve it by having numerous cardiology tests. I also had a brain scan and it was okay. It's not related to any tumors that are in my spine and 1 behind each eye. This is something else. Doctor thinks its ventricular tachycardia but its unconfirmed.
- In the last year because of the fainting and back issues, I asked family services and my social worker if my kids could be taken care of for a few months because I needed the time to get the help I needed. I was swamped with parenting on my own both emotionally, physically and financially. Family services agreed and asked my kids mother if she could take care of them.
- My kids mother owes me $40,000 in child support and no one is doing anything to get me this money. Family services told me I would not be hurt financially and to take the time to heal. It was meant to be a temporary thing, instead family services went behind my back and transferred my kids to new schools. They didn't even call or email me. Suddenly without any court order I have been blocked from seeing my kids. I still was however, getting paid my pension. She owed me $40k so she agreed to not claim the children since she owed me.
- On my birthday just a few days ago my kids mother put in a request for 100% custody of my children. It was awarded without even me having a say in it. This has caused my family payments to be cancelled. My rent assistance, cancelled. My pay went from $668 a week to $467. This is Australian dollars. My rent and bills are $565 a week. As you can see, I have a problem. I can't afford my rent and bills. I can't afford food.
On the 9th of November I become homeless. She did this ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She is evil.
I lost my kids, I lost my cat, I lost my home, I lost my ability to work.
This isn't bullshit, anyone who even suggests I am lying can DM me and get proof.
What upsets me is that no matter how hard I have worked, the good things I have done. I am destined now to be homeless.
If I ask for help, people will just say im lying.
So this is my plea.
If you have an online job I can do, please DM me. I can only work from home and I can do data entry or anything else that is easily trainable.
If you want to donate to help me or join my patreon it would be a great help.
I need about $400 a week to not become homeless. If I can find a job in that time, If I can get enough patrons or someone to help, I would appreciate it.
I WILL FIGHT TO GET MY KIDS BACK! I WILL FIGHT TO NOT BE KICKED OUT OF MY HOME.
I have lived here for 13 years. I have lived through worse, but if I become homeless - I don't think I will survive. I think that would be the final nail in the coffin for me. I can't be disabled AND homeless. I have no friends, no family. I don't know what to do. If anyone has any ideas, anyone wants to help.
I can prove everything as well. Please don't say I am lying because you will be humbled. I have had enough hardship in my life. I have tried to be a good person. I don't know where else to reach out. I tried social services but they can't help me financially. This is the beautiful world we live in. Men are discarded like garbage, no one believes us.
I did some maths.
I am $423 short a week now to break even and not lose my home.
A social worker has stated they can help me with food hampers (they have bread, crackers, cheese etc) and toiletries once a week. I am still $423 short of paying rent, paying bills and buying food.
Please if you can join my patreon to help me cover this $423 I would appreciate it. I have 12 days before I will have to tell my landlord I can't afford the rent.
The impending doom is horrible.
UPDATE :
People have helped me raise $2800. This has delayed homelessness by 5 weeks. If I can move out in the next couple of weeks, I can use a part of this money to pay for the bond and removalists. I will provide proof of everything as well. Screenshots of any new lease, applications, my rent, my pay from the government. I am doing my best to avoid going homeless. Things were looking up for me recently. I had bought a new air conditoner and pc (part of why I have debts). I was getting back into Nexus modding and helping people out. I was even playing Starfield. While I was fainting a lot, my spirits were at least high. Now its another setback cause of that greedy woman and discrimination by family services. Just because I am disabled, doesn't mean I am an unfit parent. Why would you give my kids to a woman and a random man with a criminal record. To think they said that was a safer option and then my childrends "step dad" got arrested. Okay then.
I am now desperately looking for a new place to stay. I live in the west of Sydney but everything seems to be around the same amount of rent. It's important for me to be close by to my parents and my kids. I need to find a place for about $250 per week. I have also applied for disability (once again). My NDIS was basically declined again because MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES are no longer covered.
If anyone knows anyone in real estate, knows anyone who has a place to rent anywhere in WEST SYDNEY, PLEASE CONTACT ME!!! I can afford $250 a week and I need 1 bedroom. I would prefer a flat as a house would mean I'd need a gardener. I am trying to keep my costs down.
Update 2 : I have 18 weeks worth of money now. So I have delayed homelessness by about 4 months thanks to all the help. I am now streaming and hoping to pay for food. Any new patrons who like the content, would be much appreciated. Thanks so much. I have hope and I will work my ass off despite not being in the best health or mindset atm.
Update 3: I have won 50% custody of my children. This has resulted in me avoiding homelessness for the time being. I believe I will be safe for 6-12 months, but I have now a social worker helping me to get my pension/disability. I am still earning about $200 below minimum wage/poverty line.
I am working every single night from my room, streaming and making videos. I am surprised my channel has grown from 408 subscribers to almost 4000. I have made about $90 so far in 6 weeks from streaming (from donations, mainly thanks to Lupis the Fallen), and even that small amount is enough for a weeks food. Lots of eggs, ramen, potatoes, carrots, butter, pasta, tomato pasta sauce can be bought with $90!
I still bought my son a laptop for xmas (I went 50/50 with a support charity, in a kind of pay it forward thing) and I got my daughter $100. I must admit, they didn't see that coming. Thankfully I had saved up before all this stuff happened (from Patreon and RLO) and I did not want my kids to miss out on xmas just because of trouble between their parents.
I am now about 3000 hours of watch time away to getting Monetized on youtube. So maybe in 12 months I will finally get paid for my work. I am working very hard, learning editing, doing my own graphics and trying to network with others. My daughter has hopped on board and wants to help, which makes my day really.
At this rate, my Youtube would be making me $3800 a year. That alone would be a massive improvement to my quality of life and help with the cost of living here.
I almost gave up. I really really did. I thank everyone who has helped. I am still not out of the woods, I have to be very careful, hope to get disability and have enough money to look after my kids 3-4 times a week and all holidays, with just $600 a week. It may seem a lot, but thats not a lot at all for 3 people. The minimum wage is $882 in Australia for ONE person.
It sucks asking for help, but I don't know where else to go. This is one of the most downloaded mods on the Nexus and I spent almost a decade working on this and other mods on this site. I have replied to over 5000 questions and did all this during a severe illness that has rendered me disabled to this day.
While I am alive and kicking, I also have two small children and I am a single parent. I know it sucks reading people ask for help and I don't mean to sound envious but there are people who are creating collections earning THOUSANDS a month on Patreon while modders of the mods they use earn peanuts. These collections are also totally bypassing our mod pages so direct donations no longer happen. My goal is to have enough patrons so I can get back to modding, open the comment section and support the mod again. It's just hard when the reward is so minor and the demand is so high.
I earn about $30-60 a month on my mod (I am happy to prove this) and I believe it's in the top 20 or so most downloaded mods of all time. Yet collection creators have discords with thousands of people, and hundreds of patrons earning up to $3000 a month. Absolute insanity when the real work was done by us, the mod authors.
I am having severe financial issues and I am literally begging here for help. I don't own a phone, I don't even have more than a few pair of pants and a couple of shirts. My car recently broke down and I can't even afford to repair it. My son just had his birthday and I couldn't even afford a proper gift. I just repaired an old computer of mine and let him use it, and we got a cheap cake from the store.
If anyone can help, PLEASE DONATE as it would take a lot of stress off me and give my kids and I some freedom. I can't leave my house much without transport, I feel isolated and depressed. I have spoken to One Door Mental health for some support but they can only help me with speaking to therapists. I will be honest, I haven't left my home in 6 months.
Please check my Patreon below or donate directly if you can. My goal is to just get a cheap car so I can once again leave the house, visit family and feel like a normal human being.
I am sorry if this upsets anyone, but I dunno what else to do.
The direct donation link should be on the mod page and my patreon is below. If I got $1 for every unique person that downloaded my mod, I would make $40,000 a month - my life would be changed forever.
Please help. Thank you! <3
My Patreon Link is here! Help support my family!
Directly donate any amount as a once off here! Help support my family!
Bas Peeters, Joker & SleepTight!!!!
Current Patreon Supporters
Sagar Rao, The "KogDog", Kami Shahi, Adrian Bonifacio, Ryn Raddohl, DyslexicDead, Quinn, Nosy Tommy, Rhea Byrd, jaww198, SAD DAS, Clarissa (<3) and Apex!
2023 Donations Leaderboard
(all totals shown in AUD)
1st Place : $142 Fat Cat Motorsports Inc.
2nd Place : $72 MostLuckyLachs
3rd Place : $70.53 Nikkita Jenkins
Thank you.
My Patreon! Help support my family!
Directly donate any amount as a once off here! Help support my family!
My health is not the greatest right now. It's been an ongoing issue now since 2007. My life was saved with 5 surgeries back in 2014 but many problems exist.
I still have two small children and I am a single parent. Covid and inflation has just made things so difficult, especially on minimum wage government payments.
It has reached a point where I feel like I need to get back to modding despite my health issues just to somehow get more support. This isn't easy for me because people think I earn a lot from the mod but I really don't.
So once again, thank you to those who have joined the Patreon. It's been almost 10 years of offering this mod, supporting it and I still answer all the DM's I am getting - and I do get MANY. They are usually kind comments, so it's heart warming at least and an improvement from past difficulties with the community.
So thank you once again.
I no longer care about endorsements, I don't care about downloads and I don't care about any so called "fame" around being a modder.
It was a lot of hard work and people don't realise it. It was many years ago and I have supported it through tough times.
This mod is now available as modders resource.
Since everyone tells me how they could make this mod better, or how my last update was so awful, then go ahead.
TAKE THE MOD.
This means the following;
Anyone can take the mod, edit it and upload it as their own. You can even upload it without a single edit and call it "Tom's best ever lighting mod" and pretend you did it. I.do.not.care any more. I am sick of people thinking that I am in some massive modding rivalry or that this is the most important thing in my life and I grovel over it every day. I don't. At the same time, it pains me to read troll like comments here, reddit and other places STILL going on about this mod and about me.
So I am finally just letting go of it all.
It can be uploaded, edited and even put on Xbox or Play Station. People keep trying to steal this mod anyway - and many people come to me and complain about the DRM that is encoded in the mod. Well tough luck. It was put there to stop thieves. Now you can have the mod, but you have to find your own work around for it. The programmer who made this is no longer someone I talk to. So you can work it out with him.
This also means any patch, any portion of the mod can be used in any part or form to fulfill your desire.
Take my 2000 hours of work, and use it as a shortcut to complete your own mod.
Enjoy.
Please do not message me in private - I will not respond.
I am officially retired from modding and have little concern with issues regarding it.
I have devoted a good chunk of my life to this mod, but the effort to reward is very low and there are numerous people who have benefited more than me on this work. Including the sites its been uploaded to, and people who have made YouTube videos on it.
I am just happy to be kicking on still in life and there are more important things to me than reading negative comments from entitled people.
Rather than deleting the mod entirely, I have decided to give it to anyone who wants it. I am not a total a**hole, so I won't delete it.
Steal it, take it, edit whatever you want - I don't even need any credit. It does not matter to me. So now EVERYONE can benefit from the mod.
It is now officially modders resource. You have Full permission to do whatever you want with the mod.
Comments are now locked.
It was a fun ride (not really).
Steps:
1) Go to the woods far away from civilization.
2) Save game.
2) Exit game and uninstall RLO v4.
3) Open the previous save, and save again but now with RLO v4 uninstalled.
4) Finally install v5, and save the game again.
This should minimize possible issues with the spawning of new and moved objects.
I have the entire JK skyrim pack, all the cities all the towns.
But since I didn't install every city one at a time, your installer won't let me download the patch for Riverwood and Whiterun :(
However, recently I had a problem with Vivid, and had to uninstall it. In its place I put Rustic Weathers, which I find much better.
However, now the interiors are very, very dark. Even on shops I need to use a torch to be able to see the details.
If I adjust brightness it becomes too bright outside.
Removed RLO and everything had turned back to normal.
Put RLO again and its dark again.
Then put RLO at end of load order, before only Realistic Waters Two. Still dark.
Im using the patches for CRF and IC.
Any way to configure it? I will have to remove it.
With ELFX I needed to add a mod to let me make torches cause I never had enough!
RLO, everything seems SO bright in comparison. Trying to recall how I configured it, might have to check again though.
But I'm not sure why yours is so dark.
RLO did not dim the daylight of the template or ambient, they did not dim the blue effect, they did not reduce the glaring fires, and did not move a single light in this cave. In fact they didn't touch a single record in it. Now the base file for fires have a warmer color but the blue effect near water is now green. My bandits walk about a day lit cave with torches and there is almost no darkness for hiding in a massive underground cave. Using a darkening mod with this mutes everything in a bad way. So what about Lost Knife Cave Hideout? The only change is two DEFAULTCANDLE01 were changed to BORDERWALLSMOKE.
I always appreciate work done and the willingness to share but the result here baffle me to no end. This mod does nothing for stealth in the dark and is no where near realistic. The Winking Skeever, Embershard Mine, just a warmer fire color, some color changes I don't like, and a pinch more contrast. It seems this mod has fixed all lighting bugs so that is good. Eye adaption in games I find useless because your eyes will do this naturally if the game has proper lighting. Before you tell me I am a fool turn off your ENB or reshade and your weather mods. Test vanilla then with this in any cave. Then delete the lighting template, set ambient directional colors to zero, and if you can set the base lights to 50% of their color. You will be amazed at how real it is.
I've only just started to use rlo latest version all in one installer..
Loving what it down mostly for interiors , except one I use a home mod for breezehome called breezehome by lupus, and with rlo its actually cause the fire pit lighting to still show and smoke effects .. plus lighting flickering ...
I had smoke effects turned on , so went out turned off effects for exteriors but when entering breezehome for the first time the smoke effects are still showing for fire pit which was moved to a better looking fireplace by lupus...
home mod - https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/9626/
I'd like to ask how do I turn off exterior lighting for inside breezehome only without turning it off for anywhere else I love what this mod does just not what it does inside modded breezhome ...
I have lupus's home loaded after rlo, ...
Other than that I love the exteriors and the effects, my favourite part of this mod has to be the little candles in front of the Shrine of Kynareth in Whiterun and additions to the Mara statue just behind it.
BUT... it fatally conflicts with other mods I'm using that change dungeon interiors, conflicts not resolved by load order and that I can't track down with xedit. On the description page it says there's a dungeon module but I don't get the option on the installer. I get: Interiors, exteriors, spells and effects.
Is there any way to disable the changes to dungeons specifically and not all interiors?
Also the description page suggestions that the weathers can be installed independently or the esp removed. Again, I don't see the option in the installer, just: Interior, Exterior, spells and effects.Which is a shame, I like the exterior lighting changes for WHiterun for example, but want my own weathers.
I also don't see separate eps's for either dungeons or weathers that can be removed. Am I missing something or is the description page outdated or just misleading?
Edit: Looks like the description is outdated. The esp's and modules talked about are true for previous versions, not this one. Which means I'm not going to trust the thoroughness and carefulness of the mod maker in other areas either. Don't want to find some other un expected game-killing conflict another 20 hours into play. A shame.