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About this mod
Nothing can compare to beans heated over an open flame. Portable and filling, baked beans offer a warm supper on those nights when cooking complex meals just isn't an option. Adventurers young and old can appreciate the wholesomeness of baked beans. But wait, there's more! These aren't just ANY baked beans...
- Permissions and credits
- Changelogs
- Donations
Baked Beans of Skyrim (with accompanying Gas Simulation System)
Complete your immersive experience with the new comfort food of Skyrim. Nothing can compare to beans heated over an open flame! Portable and filling, baked beans offer a warm supper on those nights when cooking complex meals just isn't an option. Adventurers young and old can appreciate the wholesomeness of baked beans. But wait, there's more! These aren't just ANY baked beans... these are the Baked Beans of Skyrim!
Baked Beans of Skyrim is completely compatible with that most popular of shelter mods, “Frostfall”! Take your role playing experience to a whole other level.! Add richness and flavor to your dungeon runs, with effects and special bonuses actually make you and your targets behave in exciting and new interactive ways!
In their eco-friendly jars, it's easy to pick up as many beans as you need. They stay fresher longer than unpackaged vegetables, roots, leaves, or fruit. All you need is a campfire or cook pot and *BAM* you've got some beans goin'!
Now that April Fools' day is over... yes, they make you fart prodigiously. Other gassy foods will, as well. Skip to the end for more info on THAT part.
Updates
Extra special thanks to memlapse, who has gone to great, nay, absurd trouble (and saved me a great deal of time) testing this mod for me! Click on his name and give that guy some Kudos!
Version 1.09 "A bugfix!"
Version 1.08 "Not the features you need, but the features you deserve."
I consider version 1.08 feature-complete. Any future updates will be bugfixes only and no additional features are likely to be added. I think I've spent plenty of time on what is, after all, a fart mod, and I think it's the best fart mod around. If you can find a better fart mod anywhere... use it ;)
Wait, beans?
Yes, beans! Delicious baked beans! Good for the heart, good for the soul. Keep yourself warm on those cold Skyrim nights!
Oooookay... so where do I-
I'm so glad you asked! You can buy delicious cooked Baked Beans from most Innkeepers in the Skyrim mainland. You can also buy sealed glass jars chock full of ready-to-cook beans that will never spoil and require nothing but a cook pot to prepare!
So, that's it? Just beans?
No no no, my friend, not JUST beans. These are the best beans in all of Skyrim. In fact, they're the ONLY beans in all of Skyrim, and they're brought to you in style! Let me explain...
Features
Why, Baked Beans of Skyrim not only introduces hot, steaming, delicious, nutritious Baked Beans to the world of Skyrim, but does so with compatibility in mind, and works so nicely with other popular mods!
But why would a simple food mod need compatibility?
Never mind WHY, old chum, the point is that is IS compatible! Completely compatible!
Compatible with what, exactly?
Well, Frostfall, for a start: Baked Beans of Skyrim are counted as a hot meal by Frostfall, so take some with you when you go out into that cold night air!
Baked Beans of Skyrim supports all food added by the following mods:
In addition, a bowl of Baked Beans will be counted as a medium-sized meal in:
Did I miss your favorite? Let me know, and I'll add it! If you're a modder and you want your food to work with Baked Beans of Skyrim, see the Special Note to Modders below!
So there shouldn't be any requirements...
Nope! You should use SKSE, though. The Baked Beans will be more efficacious and offer better immersion, and let's face it, you should have it installed already anyway!
Do the beans actually do anything?
You mean besides being delicious and piping hot? Well yes, they'll restore a bit of your Health and provide a decent, long-lasting boost to both your Heal Rate and your Stamina! But that's not why you should eat 'em!
Why should I eat 'em, then?
Because they're delicious, of course!
You mentioned something about new behaviors in dungeons...
Did I? Slip of the tongue, old chum, slip of the tongue. I mean, sure, loading yourself with beans might have some slight effect on your enemies... because you'll be so BIG AND STRONG you can KILL THEM FASTER?
And that's it?
Well yes! I mean, they're just beans, I mean, what other sort of stuff can happen when you eat a ton of beans?
So you really wrote a mod that does nothing but add beans to Skyrim.
That's about the size of it, yes.
Speaking of size, why is a simple single food mod so big? What else is in here? Wait.. what sound effects?
Never you mind. Not important. Water under the bridge. Now eat your beans, they're good for you!
Okay, seriously now.
Well, okay. April Fools' day is over so I may as well spill the... I might as well just tell you.
So it does make you fart!
"Farting" hardly does it justice! Baked Beans of Skyrim is a sophisticated digestion-tracking system. It notes the gas content of the various foods you consume, tracks them as they go through your innards, monitors the resulting internal pressures, and finally makes sure that the resulting miasma escapes in a fairly realistic fashion.
The practical upshot of all this is that you will fart vigorously after consuming foods that are, on Earth as on Nirn, renowned for their musical properties. Not merely the eponymous beans, mind you, but a whole variety of starchy, high-fiber or high-fat foods. This is why I had to write in support for other food mods: if you devoured a fried egg from Osare Food, a fruit pie from Babette's Feast, and a cheese-stuffed gourd from Cooking Expanded and then didn't shatter some windows afterward, I could hardly call it immersive, could I?
Become a social pariah for fun and profit
The more gas-laden foods you eat, the more powerful the resulting effluvium. A couple of leeks will do you no lasting harm (a few one-cheek squeaks, perhaps, that could be blamed on the dog). If, however, you pause in the middle of a fight to eat 6 bowls of beans, 4 baked potatoes, a slab of horsemeat and 26 cheese wheels, then you (and everyone around you) can expect to be paying the consequences of your capricious gluttony for hours to come.
Nor is this a mere sound effect, oh no. That would be too easy. You may find your ill-tempered zephyrs giving away your position to bandits, draugr, dragons, and indeed anything with sharper ears than a deaf mudcrab. Even your friends and followers will gaze upon you in disgust, make insightful and/or cruel comments, or simply chuckle and wander away.
You will, at least, have plenty of warning. When your gut is heavy with your greed-fueled bonanza, you'll hear various grumblings and rumblings, as if you swallowed a camel that itself swallowed an oil refinery. Shortly thereafter, the symphony will begin with a few staccato blats and toots, letting you know the tubas and sousaphones are only moments away from really cutting loose.
The only cure, at least for now, is time: Skyrim is a simple land, having only recently discovered geared watermills, covered wagons, and organized crime, and as such probably won't address its severe lack of antacids anytime soon. Running may cause you to blow off the pressure a bit faster, as will jumping in place. But digestion takes time, and you're unlikely to be able to get rid of all of it all at once.
The Wind of the Dragonborn's Passage
By popular demand (Divines alone know why), I have added a special, gas-powered Power (I can't really call it a Shout, though it is rather Shout-like). To activate it you must create and eat at least one bowl of Bean Chili. After that, whenever you are at your absolute gassiest, you will automatically receive and equip "Wind of your Passage", a very powerful and dangerous skill. It will completely blow away anyone unfortunate enough to be standing behind you, poison any nearby attackers, and knock down anyone within melee range. It will also cause nearby NPCs to shout and yell in panic as their entire world apparently blows up in front of them in some sort of hellish apocalypse of pure stench. You monster.
It's very easy to hit friendly NPCs with this Power, too, so either be very careful of where you aim, or don't use it near settlements at all unless you want to really people to be furious at you. Well, after they regain consciousness, anyway...
It also completely eliminates all your gas at once, so don't think you're going to be spamming this skill. You can consume bowls of Bean Chili after activating the Power to immediately recharge it, if you must.
Oh, and you might want to turn your speakers down a bit if you're sharing an apartment, house, or indeed building with anyone who doesn't wish to be woken out of sound sleep.
The Most Dangerous Food
So you want to eat Bean Chili, eh? Well, it's easy enough to make. It takes two bowls of baked beans, mammoth cheese, cabbage, raw beef and cook pot. It will count as a large/heavy meal for the various supported needs mods, and as a warm meal for Frostfall. It confers no other benefit. After eating the first one, though (which unlocks the new Power), eating additional bowls of Chili will instantly and completely fill your guts with terrible gas. This will allow you to use the Power, then eat a bowl of Chili and use it again immediately. Or you can just fill up on Chili to listen to the sweet music. I am not proud. I do not judge.
Milk and Meat
The verisimilitude of Baked Beans of Skyrim's digestion tracking has been improved even more! Now, you can use the MCM panel to decide how sensitive your character's stomach is to dairy products and raw meat! These are fairly self-explanatory and are intended for improved customization and immersion. If you think your Orc or Argonian or Khajiit can eat raw meat off the bone without ill effects, make it so! If your opposition to milk-drinking is more than a matter of pride, then by all means, punish yourself by making your character lactose intolerant. The power is IN YOUR HANDS!
Special note to Modders
If you want to make your new food mod compatible with Baked Beans of Skyrim (i.e. make the player fart after eating your food), add your foods to my formlists during your mod's upkeep script. The formlists are vBBS_GassyFood [020022F1] (mildly gassy), vBBS_STUPIDGassyFood [020022F3] (extremely gassy), vBBS_DairyFood [0200694F] (for lactose intolerance) and vBBS_RawMeatFood [02006950] (for raw foods that can cause indigestion). Each food you want to cause gas should be added to only one list, unless it's your intent to make it ridiculously gassy. These lists are reverted when the player loads a game, so be sure to check for and re-add your foods in your own OnPlayerLoadGame event or shortly afterward. The mods listed as compatible above do not need to do this, as your foods are already added to my formlists by my upkeep script.
So what's next?
Nothing! No, seriously, I'm done. If someone finds a serious bug, I'll fix it, but this has all the features I originally planned or even thought about, plus a couple of user requests. Now I fully intend to release it into the forest to run free and wild (as Talos intended!) so I can get back to some more serious projects I'd like to finish sometime this century!
But why, Vert? Why?
What can I say? Farts are funny. Would you believe it was my wife's idea? No, seriously.
Whatever else it may be, Baked Beans of Skyrim is probably the most advanced fart system in gaming today. I hope you laugh as hard playing with it as I did making it!
Changelog
Version 1.08 "Not the features you need, but the features you deserve."
Version 1.06-1.07
Internal testing builds
Version 1.05 "What happened to 1.04?"
Version 1.03
Version 1.02
Version 1.01
Complete your immersive experience with the new comfort food of Skyrim. Nothing can compare to beans heated over an open flame! Portable and filling, baked beans offer a warm supper on those nights when cooking complex meals just isn't an option. Adventurers young and old can appreciate the wholesomeness of baked beans. But wait, there's more! These aren't just ANY baked beans... these are the Baked Beans of Skyrim!
Baked Beans of Skyrim is completely compatible with that most popular of shelter mods, “Frostfall”! Take your role playing experience to a whole other level.! Add richness and flavor to your dungeon runs, with effects and special bonuses actually make you and your targets behave in exciting and new interactive ways!
In their eco-friendly jars, it's easy to pick up as many beans as you need. They stay fresher longer than unpackaged vegetables, roots, leaves, or fruit. All you need is a campfire or cook pot and *BAM* you've got some beans goin'!
Now that April Fools' day is over... yes, they make you fart prodigiously. Other gassy foods will, as well. Skip to the end for more info on THAT part.
Updates
Extra special thanks to memlapse, who has gone to great, nay, absurd trouble (and saved me a great deal of time) testing this mod for me! Click on his name and give that guy some Kudos!
Version 1.09 "A bugfix!"
- Fixed a bug that caused the "Jumping relieves pressure" checkbox to not work properly. Thanks to maskedmadnessq for reporting this one.
Version 1.08 "Not the features you need, but the features you deserve."
- Added Bean Chili, a fearsome combination of Baked Beans, Beef, Mammoth Cheese and Cabbage. Eating it will instantly max out your gas level, as well as granting access to...
- A new gas-powered Power. What the Greybeards never told you (but they almost certainly know!) is that the power of the Thu'um can be used to force your will into not only your breath, but any wind that leaves your body. Abusing this ancient power in such a fashion, though, will probably bring harm to any and all involved. You have been warned. For more info on the Chili and the new Power, see "The Wind of the Dragonborn's Passage" farther down.
- A few additional NPC comments have been added, along with some extras for the new Power.
- Gas now prompts various player expressions.
- New options for tolerance of raw food and intolerance of dairy products.
- New options for what happens when you run or walk with a belly full of bloat.
- Gas tracking is now done with an alias instead of an Ability, which is proving to be much more reliable overall.
- Gas timing configuration and disabling gas now actually works.
- Minor bugfixes
- RND patch updated as well, be sure to grab it if you want Bean Chili to count as food for RND!
I consider version 1.08 feature-complete. Any future updates will be bugfixes only and no additional features are likely to be added. I think I've spent plenty of time on what is, after all, a fart mod, and I think it's the best fart mod around. If you can find a better fart mod anywhere... use it ;)
Wait, beans?
Yes, beans! Delicious baked beans! Good for the heart, good for the soul. Keep yourself warm on those cold Skyrim nights!
Oooookay... so where do I-
I'm so glad you asked! You can buy delicious cooked Baked Beans from most Innkeepers in the Skyrim mainland. You can also buy sealed glass jars chock full of ready-to-cook beans that will never spoil and require nothing but a cook pot to prepare!
So, that's it? Just beans?
No no no, my friend, not JUST beans. These are the best beans in all of Skyrim. In fact, they're the ONLY beans in all of Skyrim, and they're brought to you in style! Let me explain...
Features
- New food item: Bowl of Baked Beans
- New misc item: Jar of beans
- New custom meshes (for the beans)
- Brand new textures (for the beans)
- Wide range of quality sound effects
- A brand new power with spectacular special effects!
Why, Baked Beans of Skyrim not only introduces hot, steaming, delicious, nutritious Baked Beans to the world of Skyrim, but does so with compatibility in mind, and works so nicely with other popular mods!
But why would a simple food mod need compatibility?
Never mind WHY, old chum, the point is that is IS compatible! Completely compatible!
Compatible with what, exactly?
Well, Frostfall, for a start: Baked Beans of Skyrim are counted as a hot meal by Frostfall, so take some with you when you go out into that cold night air!
Baked Beans of Skyrim supports all food added by the following mods:
- Hearthfire DLC
- Dragonborn DLC
- Realistic Needs and Diseases
- Imp's More Complex Needs
- ZF Primary Needs
- Eat and Sleep
- Osare Foods
- Cooking Expanded
- Babette's Feast
- Real Wildlife - Skyrim
- Realistic Wildlife Loot And Recipes
In addition, a bowl of Baked Beans will be counted as a medium-sized meal in:
- Realistic Needs and Diseases (Medium meal, small drink. Spoils like soup. Requires patch, available on the files page)
- iNeed (no patch required, medium meal)
- ZF Primary Needs (no patch required, but does not spoil currently. Patch is coming.)
- Eat and Sleep (no patch required, medium meal, spoils in 3 days)
Did I miss your favorite? Let me know, and I'll add it! If you're a modder and you want your food to work with Baked Beans of Skyrim, see the Special Note to Modders below!
So there shouldn't be any requirements...
Nope! You should use SKSE, though. The Baked Beans will be more efficacious and offer better immersion, and let's face it, you should have it installed already anyway!
Do the beans actually do anything?
You mean besides being delicious and piping hot? Well yes, they'll restore a bit of your Health and provide a decent, long-lasting boost to both your Heal Rate and your Stamina! But that's not why you should eat 'em!
Why should I eat 'em, then?
Because they're delicious, of course!
You mentioned something about new behaviors in dungeons...
Did I? Slip of the tongue, old chum, slip of the tongue. I mean, sure, loading yourself with beans might have some slight effect on your enemies... because you'll be so BIG AND STRONG you can KILL THEM FASTER?
And that's it?
Well yes! I mean, they're just beans, I mean, what other sort of stuff can happen when you eat a ton of beans?
So you really wrote a mod that does nothing but add beans to Skyrim.
That's about the size of it, yes.
Speaking of size, why is a simple single food mod so big? What else is in here? Wait.. what sound effects?
Never you mind. Not important. Water under the bridge. Now eat your beans, they're good for you!
Okay, seriously now.
Well, okay. April Fools' day is over so I may as well spill the... I might as well just tell you.
So it does make you fart!
"Farting" hardly does it justice! Baked Beans of Skyrim is a sophisticated digestion-tracking system. It notes the gas content of the various foods you consume, tracks them as they go through your innards, monitors the resulting internal pressures, and finally makes sure that the resulting miasma escapes in a fairly realistic fashion.
The practical upshot of all this is that you will fart vigorously after consuming foods that are, on Earth as on Nirn, renowned for their musical properties. Not merely the eponymous beans, mind you, but a whole variety of starchy, high-fiber or high-fat foods. This is why I had to write in support for other food mods: if you devoured a fried egg from Osare Food, a fruit pie from Babette's Feast, and a cheese-stuffed gourd from Cooking Expanded and then didn't shatter some windows afterward, I could hardly call it immersive, could I?
Become a social pariah for fun and profit
The more gas-laden foods you eat, the more powerful the resulting effluvium. A couple of leeks will do you no lasting harm (a few one-cheek squeaks, perhaps, that could be blamed on the dog). If, however, you pause in the middle of a fight to eat 6 bowls of beans, 4 baked potatoes, a slab of horsemeat and 26 cheese wheels, then you (and everyone around you) can expect to be paying the consequences of your capricious gluttony for hours to come.
Nor is this a mere sound effect, oh no. That would be too easy. You may find your ill-tempered zephyrs giving away your position to bandits, draugr, dragons, and indeed anything with sharper ears than a deaf mudcrab. Even your friends and followers will gaze upon you in disgust, make insightful and/or cruel comments, or simply chuckle and wander away.
You will, at least, have plenty of warning. When your gut is heavy with your greed-fueled bonanza, you'll hear various grumblings and rumblings, as if you swallowed a camel that itself swallowed an oil refinery. Shortly thereafter, the symphony will begin with a few staccato blats and toots, letting you know the tubas and sousaphones are only moments away from really cutting loose.
The only cure, at least for now, is time: Skyrim is a simple land, having only recently discovered geared watermills, covered wagons, and organized crime, and as such probably won't address its severe lack of antacids anytime soon. Running may cause you to blow off the pressure a bit faster, as will jumping in place. But digestion takes time, and you're unlikely to be able to get rid of all of it all at once.
The Wind of the Dragonborn's Passage
By popular demand (Divines alone know why), I have added a special, gas-powered Power (I can't really call it a Shout, though it is rather Shout-like). To activate it you must create and eat at least one bowl of Bean Chili. After that, whenever you are at your absolute gassiest, you will automatically receive and equip "Wind of your Passage", a very powerful and dangerous skill. It will completely blow away anyone unfortunate enough to be standing behind you, poison any nearby attackers, and knock down anyone within melee range. It will also cause nearby NPCs to shout and yell in panic as their entire world apparently blows up in front of them in some sort of hellish apocalypse of pure stench. You monster.
It's very easy to hit friendly NPCs with this Power, too, so either be very careful of where you aim, or don't use it near settlements at all unless you want to really people to be furious at you. Well, after they regain consciousness, anyway...
It also completely eliminates all your gas at once, so don't think you're going to be spamming this skill. You can consume bowls of Bean Chili after activating the Power to immediately recharge it, if you must.
Oh, and you might want to turn your speakers down a bit if you're sharing an apartment, house, or indeed building with anyone who doesn't wish to be woken out of sound sleep.
The Most Dangerous Food
So you want to eat Bean Chili, eh? Well, it's easy enough to make. It takes two bowls of baked beans, mammoth cheese, cabbage, raw beef and cook pot. It will count as a large/heavy meal for the various supported needs mods, and as a warm meal for Frostfall. It confers no other benefit. After eating the first one, though (which unlocks the new Power), eating additional bowls of Chili will instantly and completely fill your guts with terrible gas. This will allow you to use the Power, then eat a bowl of Chili and use it again immediately. Or you can just fill up on Chili to listen to the sweet music. I am not proud. I do not judge.
Milk and Meat
The verisimilitude of Baked Beans of Skyrim's digestion tracking has been improved even more! Now, you can use the MCM panel to decide how sensitive your character's stomach is to dairy products and raw meat! These are fairly self-explanatory and are intended for improved customization and immersion. If you think your Orc or Argonian or Khajiit can eat raw meat off the bone without ill effects, make it so! If your opposition to milk-drinking is more than a matter of pride, then by all means, punish yourself by making your character lactose intolerant. The power is IN YOUR HANDS!
Special note to Modders
If you want to make your new food mod compatible with Baked Beans of Skyrim (i.e. make the player fart after eating your food), add your foods to my formlists during your mod's upkeep script. The formlists are vBBS_GassyFood [020022F1] (mildly gassy), vBBS_STUPIDGassyFood [020022F3] (extremely gassy), vBBS_DairyFood [0200694F] (for lactose intolerance) and vBBS_RawMeatFood [02006950] (for raw foods that can cause indigestion). Each food you want to cause gas should be added to only one list, unless it's your intent to make it ridiculously gassy. These lists are reverted when the player loads a game, so be sure to check for and re-add your foods in your own OnPlayerLoadGame event or shortly afterward. The mods listed as compatible above do not need to do this, as your foods are already added to my formlists by my upkeep script.
So what's next?
Nothing! No, seriously, I'm done. If someone finds a serious bug, I'll fix it, but this has all the features I originally planned or even thought about, plus a couple of user requests. Now I fully intend to release it into the forest to run free and wild (as Talos intended!) so I can get back to some more serious projects I'd like to finish sometime this century!
But why, Vert? Why?
What can I say? Farts are funny. Would you believe it was my wife's idea? No, seriously.
Whatever else it may be, Baked Beans of Skyrim is probably the most advanced fart system in gaming today. I hope you laugh as hard playing with it as I did making it!
Changelog
Version 1.08 "Not the features you need, but the features you deserve."
- Added Bean Chili, a fearsome combination of Baked Beans, Beef, Mammoth Cheese and Cabbage. Eating it will instantly max out your gas level, as well as granting access to...
- A new gas-powered Power. What the Greybeards never told you (but they almost certainly know!) is that the power of the Thu'um can be used to force your will into not only your breath, but any wind that leaves your body. Abusing this ancient power in such a fashion, though, will probably bring harm to any and all involved. You have been warned.
- A few additional NPC comments have been added, along with some extras for the new Power.
- Gas now prompts various player expressions.
- New options for tolerance of raw food and intolerance of dairy products.
- New options for what happens when you run or walk with a belly full of bloat.
- Gas tracking is now done with an alias instead of an Ability, which is proving to be much more reliable overall.
- Gas timing configuration and disabling gas now actually works.
- Minor bugfixes
- RND patch updated as well, be sure to grab it if you want Bean Chili to count as food for RND!
Version 1.06-1.07
Internal testing builds
Version 1.05 "What happened to 1.04?"
- Fixed several bugs that could cause the tracking script to stop tracking gas buildup.
- Added MCM panel to control gas duration, intensity, digestion speed, along with several presets: Arngeir, Lydia, Alduin, and Mick the Master. Also localization support, because while gas may be a universal language, English is not.
- Nearby NPCs will now make comments about (or laugh at) your newfound musical abilities.
Version 1.03
- Sleeping now resets your gas status.
- Fixed a bug that was preventing "aftershocks" from occurring and delaying the next "attack".
Version 1.02
- Added support and gas-tracking info for nearly 400 new foods from 10 other mods and all official DLC.
- Compatibility patch now available for Realistic Needs and Diseases. In addition, Baked Beans are now counted as food by iNeed, ZF Primary Needs, and kuertee's Eat and Sleep, no patch required.
- Jar of beans now makes two bowls of beans.
Version 1.01
- Fixed ugly hack for populating LeveledItems, replaced with a different ugly hack that at least has the virtue of being sort of standard for this sort of thing.
- Innkeepers are now much more likely to have freshly baked beans in stock, and slightly less likely to have jars.
- There is now a slight chance to find jars of beans in barrels, sacks, etc, wherever raw food can be found.
- Bandits and Forsworn now have a low chance to drop beans.