Thinking a LOT about BSR.

I'm sure some of you have thought me abandoning this mod. I mean, I haven't really been much help to anyone for a few months now - even when MM is here, my work was very much back end content generation which likely wouldn't be implemented for months. But now, MM isn't here, and I find myself even more useless.

Every day, I say to myself that today will be the one wherein I go through all the comments, answer all the technical questions, or at least assure people one by one that I am not some useless lump whose name somehow found it's way onto the design documents. But so often - too often - work arrives.

A bit of background. I am a 22 year old, newly an investment banker whose typical work week is ~90 hours; frequently more on big deal cycles. I hate saying that, because it sounds like an excuse, like the other times people give their time to mods, they had nothing else going on (which I know isn't the case). Heck, I gave my time to the mod, because I love working on it (and still do! ). So why am I so lazy now? Well, work certainly doesn't help, but like I said: an excuse. An excuse for a lot of things, mostly for not pushing harder for this mod, for not finding more programmers, or for not learning it myself.

I've said it once, and I've said it a thousand times: I am not, and will never, abandoning this mod. It's been my dream since pre-Oblivion to do something like this, and I studied game design for years before my interests turned to finance. I still have pages and pages and notebooks and excel files filled with details for perks, systems, quests, maps, linkages, spells, architectural studies, historical notations, and other design details. I so want to use them, you have no idea.

But I can't. MM, for very valid reasons including but not limited to his house going up in flames and a new career path starting, no longer answers my emails. I don't blame him, since like I said: valid reasons. I WILL find a way, some way, to implement all of what I had planned. ALL of it. But for now, while I reach out to people...I hibernate. Waiting to spring into action again and work for the cause of vampiric interests everywhere!

I just ask for forgiveness as I do so :(