Did you read that book, and notice why it was terrible instead of getting sucked into Elizer The Idiot's delusions? Want to get something out of it? HERE ARE SOME PERKS FOR YOU!
In Version 2, parts of this book will be hidden around the world. But for now, build the parts at the Chem lab, since you'd need to be high to not notice the many, many flaws in this depressingly bad, preachy, pretentious Self-Insert Mary Sue Worse-Than-Rand fanfic.


Edit: Due to screen problems that can't be fixed with mods, the in-game perk descriptions might be a bit small. So read these, and have fun knowing these are the perks you'll get for suffering through this story. (The negative effect of the story's first part is negated by the later parts. If you intentionally skip crafting and reading the first part to get an unreasonable advantage in power I didn't want you to have, I would hate you, if I didn't like that sort of clever loophole-exploitation)

Part 1 Perk: Curious Cat

You've started to read one of the worst stories of all time, a self-insert mary sue fanfic written by a delusional manchild on par with Christopher Weston Chandler and beloved by a fanbase of equally deluded humans desperate to show off how intelligent, how witty, how good, and how rational they think they are when they claim slavery is a sign of a good, healthy country or that the future world will be ruled by an advanced AI so intelligent it can control magic and reality itself, or that anyone that doesn't give all they have to this god that will soon exist will be tortured forever in hell when the AI creates a simulated replica of you and tortures it, which is {totally} the same thing as torturing the real you.
...This story can't really be THAT bad, right? Until you find out, that curiousity will forever eat away at you, distracting you and reducing your weapon damage by 80%.



Part 2 Perk: Confused Cat

This isn't as awful as you were expecting at all. Sure, the prose is on par with a children's novel and Harry acts nothing like a young boy or his canon self, and sure, the writer thinks AU means "Things I didn't like have been changed, to fit my vision of what a rational world is" rather than "Something is different, and that causes many changes", and the frequent "Harry is the smartest thing alive!" speeches are getting annoying. But while it's pretty bad, it's just sorta bad, not "One of the worst things ever"-level bad. Should you continue to read this?
Your confusion makes chems twice as effective.



Part 3 Perk: Catching-On Cat

Did the writer really just put Draco in metaphorical leather pants while preventing Harry from befriending Ron, who he's dumbed down like so many Harry Potter badfic authors before him? Did he really just have Harry steal from his own vault without McGonagall noticing or questioning him fall awkwardly, then have a shopkeeper mistake him for an older Slytherin student when he reveals the money he stole from his vault in the presence of McGonagall and said shopkeeper as a "Screw you, old bag! Kids can be smart too! And you're an egomaniacal ass if you can't look past my lower tribal status as a child and see how smart what I just did was!"?  Did he really miss the significance of Harry, Ron, and Hermione ending up in Gryffindor, and put Harry and Hermione in Ravenclaw "Because they're the smart ones"? There are children that understood the symbolism present in the original work better than this guy! ...Wait. Wait... Did this author just give a Time Turner to Elizer - Sorry, Harry - for a stupid reason, and then assume Time Turners are fragile, so that when Harry suggests putting a protective case around them, his brilliant ideas are treated like a stroke of genius worthy of House Points?
Your hopes for this fic are dropping fast, like your optimism for humanity in general. Your loss of innocence has granted you the ability to bypass 20% of enemy armour, due to now noticing the flaws in things, and the previous negative effects of the last few parts of this fic have been negated. You're no longer curious. Now... you're determined to see this through to the end.



Part 4 Perk: Cat That Can't Believe There's Another Self-Insert Character And A Teacher At That

ANOTHER Self-Insert? And a Possession Sue, at that? Does this writer even read TvTropes? In any case, Harryzer is now being taught Defense Against The Dark Arts - sorry, "Battle Magic" - by the idealized version of Elizer Yudkowsky, the version he sees when he looks into his clouded mirror and imagines a better him. And of course, the curse Voldemort put on the DADA teaching position doesn't take effect, due to it suddenly being unusually and conveniently specific: It can suddenly be bypassed if you don't call your course DADA. {Of course, nobody but Elizer could think of something sooooo wonderful, because he's just such a genius. All the other people in the world of HP are too stupid to think of this.} How convenient! And as you know, the non-Elizer characters don't think of this, because they're in this series only exist to be pawns, be one-note characters, provide a contrast with the "Intelligence" the "Hero" of this story has, or serve as the rest of the backdrop that this story so often becomes when Elizer feels the urge to preach Elizer's Rationalism to the crowd. This idealized form of Elizer possesses Professor Quirrel, who turns into a generic scheming obviously-evil jerk that magically gets results because it's a LessWrong story and the more Elizer-like you are, the less wrong you are. He also gets away with favouring Harry to an absurd degree and having him held down by and older student and forced to say "I lose. You win." to "Cure his fear of losing", something that feels like the odd rationalization someone delusional makes when they want to convince themselves they were better off than they would be because they were beaten as a child. In fact... when you look at this fic like that, a lot of things start to make a strange amount of sense.
Your increased understanding of the world doubles your scope's steadiness.



Part 5 Perk: Cat That Noticed Something

As the story goes on, you notice more signs: Harryzer's basic and obvious abuse of the Time Turner never raising any red flags with those that know what they are or the teachers that would object to time abuse, Harry biting his teacher as a child when the real Elizer did that same thing, Harry's classmates being utterly awed and mesmerized by his "Harry Power", and... Wait a minute. This guy... He is self-educated with no academic degrees. He lacks peer-reviewed publications, or any publications whatsoever outside of his own websites and fanfiction.net. He doesn't actually seem to understand how AI works. He claims he ran multiple "Let me, the AI, out of the box" experiments with "Some people" and always got let out, though he refuses to release the logs where this happened, and we're all supposed to "Listen and believe". He is derisive of mainstream science, accusing it of collective bias and blindness. (Where have we seen that before?) He has been pushing fringe ideas that are treated with skepticism (at best) by mainstream science, including attempts to prove a particular interpretation of quantum mechanics even though, by definition, no particular interpretation can be singled out empirically as correct. His followers make Chuck Norris Fact jokes about his intelligence and he proudly displays these on his website like a deluded mother placing her child's awful art on the fridge, and he's even formed a doomsday cult around himself, which holds the AI apocalypse to be near and treats cryonics and donating to SIAI as the path for salvation for the chosen. What is SIAI? His organization, which helps the future cause of AI... somehow. And worst of all... He really, really, really doesn't get AI at all. His talks on it sound nice at first, but if you're at all familiar with the subject, his "If we make a smart AI, it would turn on us or become our god" speeches really... well... it's like knowing how science works, while there's a guy in the room that doesn't, but he has a lot of fans and he never shuts up about his interpretation of reality. And the fear-driven circlejerk of a community...
The revelation that someone like this exists and is using bad fanfiction to become a cult leader slightly lowers your faith in humanity. Your kills grant double EXP and your weapon deals 20% more damage.



Part 6 Perk: TactiCat

Did this story just... claim... that in the Mock Battle featuring Harry VS Draco...
1. Because Draco splits his mock battle team into formations of three, like he'd seen his father do, due to its obvious advantage (One wizard can cast a shielding spell, the others can use the one offensive spell they're allowed to use, Lumos, because Elizer wizards love their Lazer Tag), he's "Blindly following what the adults do", and automatically wrong, and going to be automatically defeated by Harryzer delivering a typical Elizeresque one-liner "Next time, don't just blindly do what you saw your father do!"-type line and... ZERGING? ZERGING?! HE'S FRIGGIN' ZERGING?! HE'S ZERGING LIKE A SMALL CHILD THAT JUST READ THE CHESS RULEBOOK AND THINKS "Throw your pieces at the enemy king" WILL WIN THE GAME FOR YOU?! HE'S... HE'S ZERGING! HE'S ZERGING, RIGHT THERE! THIS... OH MAN...
Oh... oh man... You know what? The fact that Elizer knows nothing of AI and preaches that making the world's first AI a sociopathic monster and potential overlord that shares humanity's values at time of creation is the best option ever... The fact that he lives off the money donated to an AI-researching institute despite writing bad fanfiction and making speeches rather than actual progress in the field of AI... The "Torture VS Dustspeck" crap that gives him (In his eyes) a free license to do whatever the hell he wants as long as it benefits "The greater good", which he defines as "In his own interests" thanks to his messiah complex... This awful, spectacularly bad piece of trash masquerading as literature... The way his autobiography claims he's a genius and he claims to have once beaten down two bullies thanks to his knowledge of the solar plexus (Who doesn't know what that is?)... None of it will ever be as hilarious as this rookie-level mistake anyone that had even the slightest bit of knowledge would not have made.
This idiot thinks Zerg Rushes, also known as "Alright, times up, let's do this. LEEROOOOOOOOY... NNNJEEENKIIIINS!" or "All units, on my mark, CHARGE! Try to overwhelm the enemy with this pure numerical advantage, because thinking is hard! Quantity over quantity! Quantity has a quality all of its own! Just run straight at your target, firing at it if possible, even though we're using wands demoted to lazertag weapons and they're not swords, and basic logic should show why this stupidity is doomed to fail!" can beat equally-armed opponents that are equal in number, just spread out over a small area into groups of three and surrounding this Zerg Rush from multiple angles. No matter what this idiot says or does, nothing could possibly be as sad and hilarious at the same time as this, while also being a bigger sign of Elizer's incompetence. (We hope. For all our sakes. Our faiths in humanity's potential can't take much more, and neither can our sides). It's even arguably funnier than Roko's Basilisk, because this... this is a man that claims to be a genius making a mistake anyone that ever did the tiniest bit of research into what he talks about would know not to make. At least, with Roko's Basilisk, you could argue that it's a matter of belief and guesses so it technically doesn't count, (I don't think that way, and R.B. played a big part in convincing me to make this) This is a man so deluded, he believes any plan he comes up with will automatically work, he doesn't bother checking himself or his ideas first, and anything his enemies in-story come up with is to automatically be dumped on by Eliquirrel for being "Not Draco's best idea, but his ONLY idea. And really very impractical, because having an anti-magic shield that doesn't actually make sense when you stop to think about it means he'll try to block attacks he would normally dodge". {Which is why nobody in recorded history ever bothered with shields, they just dodged the arrows and sword swings. Thanks, Elizer, we totally needed to see you insist Draco is not as smart as Harry in your AU, it's really helping your case.}
Because you actually know tactics and how battles work, unlike that writer, your critical hit rate is multiplied by your intelligence times four.



Part 7 Perk: Cat That Likes Hermione

Why. Why does this fic spend so long talking up Hermione as smarter than Elizer "But only in academic fields", and try to paint her as a legitimate rival... then get her character so wrong, demote her to "The one that doubts him and is proven wrong, and becomes his girl from that point on", and eventually... this? Hermione gets captured, her memories are altered BY A MYSTERIOUS SOMEONE to make her think she attacked Draco, and she's going to be sent to Azkaban... unless Harry calls in a favour he gained from Draco earlier in the story, back when Harry immediately deleted Draco's belief in blood purism like an evangelist immediately converting a sinning atheist to the glorious church of Jesus Christ, and replaced it with The Ability To Think. Draco proceeded to put an illegal torture curse on Harry's hand and then run away, like a girl running away in tears after slapping you for daring to say something that was true and something she didn't want to hear. Harry reveals this "You owe me, because X happened and I said nothing!" to the crowd, and Draco responds with "My personal debt to the Potter house means nothing because this girl is not your family member or property". ...Did he just admit to a crowd that he cast an illegal torture spell? Are NPCs in this story really that dense and one-dimensional? And now, while Harry and Dumbledore wonder what to do, MCGONAGALL, THE LAST PERSON THAT WOULD NORMALLY BE UP FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS, decides to go ahead and, without asking for anyone's permission, go down to Hermione and whisper to her that she should make an Unbreakable Vow to become Harryzer's property and slave. And Hermione says yes.
Your explosion force is multiplied by your intelligence. You have reached a new Level of Violence. Hermione is awesome, she deserves better than this, and this story... this is no longer funny.



Part 8 Perk: Disregard Snowflakes, Aquire Drills

Oh boy. This one's a big one.
First, while the Dementors in the original Harry Potter canon were metaphors for depression, almost anviliciously so... Elizer didn't understand that. And so, here, they are a metaphor for death.
Second, because everyone but Elizer is stupid and cowardly in Elizer-land, everyone who has ever looked at a Dementor got scared and was unable to confront their deep-seated fear of death. {Because death is the worst thing ever, a crippling fear of it is normal and shared by everyone, and suicidal people, people that wouldn't mind dying, and suicidally-overconfident idiots just don't exist in Elizer-world. He hates death, and he thinks he isn't weird, so everyone MUST hate and fear death as much as him.}
Three, because Harryzer is a Mary Sue, his Moral Clarity- sorry, wrong series. His Rationalism allows him to look the personification of death itself without flinching and say what would amount to "Deff bad! Deff go 'way or huwmanity give wuwst huwties! Fwuffy no wike!" from the perspective of a non-cultist, despite how it sounds like the sweet and triumphant pro-human anti-defeatism of Gurren Lagann to its members.
Fourth, this grants unto him one of the biggest cliches in the Harry Potter fandom,The Super-Patronus. Because why have a normal-looking Stag or Lion or Eagle or Otter, when you could have a golden Angel, or a Crimson demon, or black swordsman, or a God, or a half-demon half-angel, or some other weird thing as your Patronus? Here, with less subtlety than a bad boning-related pun in Undertail art, his Patronus is a golden man that radiates a powerful shining golden light that can permanently kill a Dementor. A shining golden human that doesn't fear what everyone else does and isn't afraid of the truth like everyone else. Here, his god complex manifests physical form. There's no clever symbolism here. There's no canon basis for such a thing happening. This character did not earn this power. The "Golden beacon of perfection" thing was not something Harry intentionally chose and threw in for intimidation value when he created this spell or power or new form. He just gained it by taking something the rest of the whole world was doing wrong, and being the first one ever to do it right. Because in Elizer-land, the whole world is wrong and Elizer is right. This is like a Naruto author deciding even though her new OC is not the daughter of both Asura and Indra, she's good enough to inherit both of their chakras and wills, and suddenly manifests the Choushinkamigan, the Super Perfect God Eye during season one... No, this is like a Sword Art Online fanfic where the protagonist has Admin Rights and God Mode permanently on for the entirety of the story, and gets them suddenly "By being smart enough"... No, this is like a Star Trek fanfic where Mary Sue herself suddenly gains incredible psychic powers that defy all logic and all of the rules in the series, just by being "Pure"... No, this is like a Doctor Who fanfic where the New Companion is called smart so much, he or she can time-travel better than the doctor and claim he was doing it wrong all along due to not being "Rational" enough, gaining god powers and violating canon laws thanks to having the writers backing him/her up.
You are filled with determination. The determination to be a better person than this damn con-artist and his pack of cultists ever will be. You take half as much limb damage and deal 20% more damage. And even if there is something even worse yet to come, you're done with this.