You're a normal human being, that's the good news. Your life is empty and meaningless: that's the bad news.
Along the whole good news / bad news theme, there's other good news too -- this is entirely resolvable. The bad news is that it takes courage and awareness and a significant sort of identity crisis.
The essential flavor, if I were to summarize your self-critique, is that you lack a sense of your own authenticity, and are confused by your ego defenses. Because you seem to be working hard at sorting that out, that's an asset which lifts you up somewhat, and lands you in what I call "exposure": a term which refers to a level of development, you can see all the levels here: Levels of authenticity
The basic idea, from a high level, is that there are two kinds of self. "Ego" is this past-based, self-involved, ever-protective, ever-self-flattering mechanism produced by psychological processes that are entirely automatic. All that stuff you're pointing to as personal weaknesses is just the product of this mechanism: that's how it works, everybody gets forms of that stuff.
"True self" is entirely different: based in universal, timeless values, powered by courage, lit up by awareness, this kind of self is where all the good stuff in life comes from -- love and truth and joy and passion for the possibilities in the future and the ability to appreciate others... all of that is the output of true self engaging with the world.
As one grows as a person, it is inevitable that they reach a stage you've reached, as long as they're making an attempt to be honest with themselves -- you see your own inauthenticity, and it torments you. You see your weaknesses, you believe that they define who you are, you fear that this self is all that you are, and that's the beginning of a very important identity crisis.
A successful outcome of that crisis is being able to recognize true self -- an authentic, grounded, committed, engaged, and vibrant source of values who lights up the world around them. That is who you really are: but, being yourself does not come for free -- it takes courage and awareness, and the ego maintenance mechanisms do not like that... the ego wants to float along, basking in the praise of the crowd and taking zero risk.
Here's some more on courage, which I consider to be a skill one develops, rather than some quality acquired by magical processes: Courage as a skill
Awareness is the other key driver of progress, that's just what it sounds like: turning on the lights so you can see what's going on. This is another thing that is basically a skill to be learned. The best way to do that is with formal meditation practice -- there are less disciplined alternatives, but they're not as potent so I'm skipping them here for brevity: Meditation video
You're at a fork in the road in life: there's a lot at stake here. The choice is to wake yourself up, or to get addicted to some rationalization which allows you to go to sleep and be more comfortable. Many people take the latter branch... nobody can make choices for you, but I can assure you that waking up is by far the more rewarding road. Good luck.

- Les Matheson
  Technical trainer at Bloomberg in New York
  Quora