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22 comments
Awesome chapter !
Glad you did also like the combat/saving the captain sequence and what followed. While I think it might have been a first step to earning the trust of the People of Raven Rock it also could make those worried about what she could do even more worried now that they have seen parts of her powers in action. Guess time will tell how that will develop
Thank you once again!
It pisses me off that after her daring rescue of the captain. they still feared her!
Well; as I see it they might even fear her more now that they saw what she did. You know? Before they only had assumed what she was capable off; now they saw it .. so should she lose control (which for a vampire is a possibility; at least in the tes setting where the majority of vampires are "feral") they now know that what they would have to face .. so guess in a sense one can't fault them for still wanting to avoid her if possible
I love semicolons as a way to continue a long sentence that would normally be a run on sentence - can be a useful tool if also a weakness as in many cases better to restructure the wording into multiple sentences or just shorter ones. I tend to overuse it myself, from an English user perspective, and try to keep some control over it. I also find ... and - are used a lot. Shelley just loves to use ... in her comments and writing. Funny how we all pick up some habits. I also tend to over use the - as a way to end a sentence without actually ending it. Somewhat in lieu of using a comma or putting something into parans.
Great story - read it over lunch break. I got choked up a little actually while reading her going to the Captain's rescue. Was all well done; exciting with good pacing and description. The emotional meeting with Verdyn and then her dramatic rescue attempt just make for some good emotional reading. You added to the tension with the fatal wound, the fire of the ash-spawn, the lack of proper weapons, and being restrained by the mans wounds while carrying him.
Loved having Garm run out the door with single focus on Kyn and nary a glance at Verdyn. Loyal to the very end is that Garm! A cool rescue followed by another great fight under the temple only this time the team was well perpared for the fight and better knowing what they faced. I see you took into the consideration with Garm just what I did with Wolfgar - fighting burning hot creatures with paws and mouth is not condusive to health. Can do in an emergency (and I suspect Garm regenerates from wounds much like Wolfgar does if in different ways) but very painful. Wolfgar found that out in Solstheim as well.
The discussion with Verdyn was great and think Kyn did the right thing being as honest as she did. That trust will go a long way, in the end, to keep good relations open with her old mentor - who showed great trust in her by backing her when she first arrived. I can't say I blame him for asking myself. Of course Kyn could have lied to him but perhaps he could have detected that or at least thought he could.
Anyhow great chapter with hints of more to come - such as why the town is so quiet and is it related to the whispers
PS - Nice work on the images but I have commented on those a couple of places already.
I think it is a combination for me why I use them so often - what I described below in regards to my overuse due to "knowing" that they are more common in english than in german. The other point being that I like to go for "endless sentences" even if it would be easier to write and understand aswell as make more sense to go for smaller individual sentences. oh well.
Thanks for your input on the issue aswell as your insight as a native english user .. Will try to consider more options in regards to those in future parts
Thank you kindly! Glad you did enjoy the Story and the part with the Captain in particular - it was my main focus for this part as I think this might be the point at which Kyn can get some form of entry into the community of Raven Rock as I assume Veleth isn't one to easily forget something like this. And it might show the people that even in a situation where she is exposed to a bleeding and wounded member of their community she can overcome her "nature" and rescue the person instead of going for the easy kill and feed.
He indeed is and I just couldn't help but remember your Stories with Wolfgar in Solstheim having the same issues with Ash Spawn and how he could deal with them. You are right however. I think Garm could heal the burn-wounds eventually though I think it might be better to avoid them in the first place if possible. Much like Kyn .. her Daughter Abilities could very likely heal through the burn but she would be taken out for quite a while and as I see it would need a lot of blood to pull it off .. so best if she can avoid being hit by those Creatures.
Glad you did enjoy the conversation between Mentor and Pupil aswell. I think you are right in regards to Kyn having to / wanting to respond truthfully and almost equally as blunt as Verdyn asked or else he might have felt like she is trying to decieve him and therefore gave him reason to attack her. Neither can I blame him for asking; as was pointed out in the comments before - it is a rare thing to have a vampire not be a bloodthristy being; especially for those in the world with the "endless amounts" of feral ones.
Especially for Verdyn who both has to consider his past with Kyn; meaning his knowledge about her lust for Revenge and his Fear that she would give up herself to achieve it; aswell as the security of Raven Rock as Advisor to the Second Councilor. So he had many justifiable reasons to ask her; even if he might have hurt her in the process. Though I think she does understand that which is why she responded the way she did.
Thank you once more; glad you did enjoy the Part aswell as the Images and I do hope a few of those things will be picked up in the next one.
The first fight scene I think was done extremely well. It kept the action intense and with a need of desperation. Describing garm as 'a black shadow of fury' keeps us in Kynthia's perspective and was smart.
I also found her reasons for remaining a vampire to be quite intriguing. Unwilling to sacrifice an innocent life to save herself is something I'd never really considered. I suppose through all of the suffering that she has endured, she can no longer stand to allow others to suffer as well. It says a lot about her character, and I like it.
The pictures were all nicely done, and you accurately set up and portrayed the scene in each one. Great job ^-^
I hate to be critical when I'm not asked, but I have to mention it; There are no commas in this entire chapter, and most of them are replaced by unnecessary semicolons. Just something to look for in the future. It was a wonderful story Alex, I enjoyed reading it through!
Glad you did enjoy the first fight scene and how the different people and entities involved interacted. While her reason for remaining a Vampire is partially "meta gaming" I could not help but mention it. While she has no direct knowledge of what happens to Souls trapped in a Black Soul Gem herself I think the pure mention of a filled one being needed as a cure is enough for her to refuse that particular route. And the second deal was basically her being human again but handing over the young sybil of Dib. in Markarth to the "care" of Molag and four of his loyal Vampires - which she just couldn't do. Glad you do like it though!
Glad you did enjoy the Images aswell!
No need to hate being critical if not asked - at least as far as I'm concerned. I always appreciate feedback; especially critical one.
I do know that I tend to (for reasons that elude me so far) use semicolons far too often and many times needlessly where a simple comma would have done the job. My best bet why I do it is simply that semicolons are used more in the english language than in german (at least as far as I know) and therefore my brain makes the connection to "overuse" them a lot when writing in english. Thank you for pointing it out though - will see if I can implement that particular feedback in the future - the more one learns or something
Oh, and "sybil of Dib." was very confusing for me for a few moments. lol.
Kyn's mentor certainly was very blunt, asking a question that wakes painful memories, one that requires a carefully worded answer. Kyn spoke well for one who thinks she is not a keen speaker, making her reasons for choosing her nature very clear, showing that she did not make the decision lightly or out of anger. It was great the tension you created as Kyn and Verdyn sensed danger, as all rushed towards the gate, as Kyn arrived just in time to strike down one of the ashen foes, as Kynthia carried the captain while being chased, really made one feel the urgency of the situation. Their teamwork can get them out of quite the dangerous situations.
That mind link showed its usefulness once again in allowing Kyn to share her senses with Arissa. They made quite the team as they cleared the temple at each other's backs, blades swinging with deadly accuracy. It was heartwarming to see them share some time in each other's arms after all the happenings of that long night, they certainly earned those moments of tenderness and respite. A wonderful new chapter, Alex
Given the History between the two I think he had to be as blunt as I think he still fears that he has tought her too much for how he sees her state of mind so to speak. He always feared that her Thirst for Vengance would eventually take the better of her and now seeing her as a Vampire somewhat enhanced that fear. Glad you did like Kynthia's words spoken in response; though how much of them are truely her own is more or less open - as her mind was linked to both garm aswell as Arissa still from earlier. So it might be that they influenced her response partially.
Happy to hear you did enjoy the tension following the conversation between Mentor and Pupil and how the Town and People in Raven Rock responded. Indeed the three of them; if assisted here by the Guards and Verdyn; can do a lot. After all those three carried the main tasks during the Assault on the Thalmor Embassy to get the Information for Delphine and free Bjarnhildr.
Without the link to both Garm and with his help to Arissa indeed has become invalueable to all of them. Glad you did enjoy the part in the Temple and what followed in the Inn aswell. While I tend to agree that both might need such moments I also fear that Kyn might feel that she is not yet ready for such tenderness between her and anybody really. Time will tell how that might change
Thank you once again; glad you did enjoy it!
Great story, and excellent images to illustrate it.
Glad you did like the Story aswell as the Images. Indeed it couldn't have been easy for her to respond to him in that manner yet I think it might be necessary to deal with it to eventually overcome those experiences in the long run.
Very nice way to see the towns dreams caused by Miraak through the eyes and thoughts of the mind link between companions. It would be bad news if she was actually affected by that and was hammering away at the Stone when the sun came up.
It was a justified response I think that her mentor had when they spoke privately. It is very rare to come across a vampire that will not attack on sight or will not try to get their way through the power of seduction. Plus it is plausible that Kynthia did it to gain more power in her thirst for revenge with the Ebony Warrior. I also think that less than a handful of people would have gotten a polite response from her after asking the question in that manner.
Very cool that you brought in the vampires natural weakness to fire with the fights with the ash spawn. Kynthia may need to invest in some Stalhrim to help out with that. Bad timing to only have your dagger with you when that fight broke out but at least she was able to utilize the Thu'um to save Veloth. It will be interesting to see if she is gaining enough good will to get some trust around Raven Rock.
Glad to hear you did enjoy the view of Miraak's Chant through their Mind Link - it indeed would be quite fatal for Kyn to be caught by it with the rising Sun; though I assume she would snap out of it quick enough to make a mad dash into the Bay or a nearby House .. though it would be another matter if she would be pulled in by one of the other Stones.
I tend to agree on Verdyn - it must have been shocking enough for him to see her as a Vampire and given their past he justifiably assumed she willingly took the Powers for the advantage against her Foes. He also had no knowledge of what had happend which means he could not know what his question would mean to her. You are right that not many would have gotten a polite response from her .. if even a verbal one
Glad you also enjoyed the Weakness to Fire playing a role with the Ash Spawn. She indeed might need to find some armor that protects her against that particular weakness though somehow I doubt the Skaal would share the secrets of Stahlrim Forging with her being a Vampire and all.
While I think it is a step in the right direction with the People of Raven Rock it could easily backfire in the sense of the Guard having seen what she can do and fearing she might lose it inside the City. Time will tell I assume
Thank you kindly for your well thought out comment and feedback!