Bards of Cyrodiil 2.0
by Magickman12

Note there are some songs and stories that can be considered rude and should not be viewed by anyone without a juvenile sense of humor.

New for Version 2.0
The bards now entertain those who talk with them! Every bard will have something to relate, whether its an epic poem, a tavern song, some limericks, a story enriched with lore, or one of a number of different types of entertainment. Before I continue, please know that there is NOT YET any voice files or animations, though those might come with later versions. For now, you read what they have to share.
Each bard has a different area of knowledge and a different storytelling style. The particulars are described below in the individual bard details. Many of the stories are short, some are long. Some bards just like to tell jokes or sing about beer, but others take their craft more seriously, crafting epic stories that bring the history of the Elder Scrolls universe to life. In all there is over 1200 lines of dialogue.
Since I like to write, I will probably be adding more tales, songs, etc. occassionally.
I have also been thinking of letting other people put their stories in this mod. I would make another bard (chosen by the story's author) with that person's name and plug in his stories. I haven't completely decided on this. If you think this is something you'd like to do, then let me know and we'll talk about it.
Oh, and bards such as Mufasha, Chansson and Raptor will refrain from starting bar fights like they did in V1.

From Version 1.0
This mod places levelled lists in the inns of Cyrodiil that will spawn one of fifteen bards upon entering. These bards have travelled the length and breadth of Cyrodiil and they still keep moving on, recording the deeds of others and sharing their wealth of stories with everyone. They possess maps of different parts of Cyrodiil (transferred over from my Maps of Cyrodiil mod), but most importantly, they offer their services to tell the world about your great (or heinous) deeds. This can raise your infamy, fame, misc. stats, or get you included in the various evil factions like the Marauders or Mythic Dawn. They can also get you promoted in the regular guilds that you are already in. For a fee, each bard will offer you one of several contracts.


Gwydion sings of heroes and places far and wide. His songs have enchanted the guests of every inn and tavern in Cyrodiil. For the purchase price of this contract, this renown bard shall sing of the exploits of the legendary hero of Cyrodiil. Your fame shall increase as word of your great deeds spread as far as the wandering minstrel shall travel. Every one of your noble aspects shall be praised and exaggerated until they reach legendary proportions including your battles, skills, strength, powers, number of lovers, generosity and wealth.

Wordsworth is a poet known for his spiritual works. However, he is fascinated by what he terms the Dark Side and he has studied the problem of evil by interviewing the men and women who cause it. His songs and stories are often based on the lives of these people. For the purchase price of this contract, the renown bard shall sing of the exploits of the most heinous villain who has come to pillage and burn the lands of Cyrodiil. Your infamy shall increase as word of your wickedness spreads like the disease it is through the songs of the bard. Every one of your vile aspects shall be spit from the bard's mouth until they reach legendary proportions, including your murders, thefts, rapes, horse-stealing, loitering, buggery, littering, assaults and the number of times you forgot to tip.
Don't think that you are going to get away without some friendly advice from this bard, however. His stories are meant to teach you to be a better person. He sees that much of the evil committed in the world is performed by those that are not happy with what they have or who they are, so he hopes to convey wisdom that will allow you to accept who you are just the way you are.

Dionne is the unoffical bard of the Thieves' Guild. For the purchase price of this contract, this renown bard shall sing of your exploits outside the law. The number of items stolen and pickpocketed will be exaggerated to a degree that suits your need for recognition without being pinned for any specific theft or robbery. Becoming known for cunning matched only by the Gray Fox, your infamy shall grow.
Dionne tells the story of the life of the Ghost, one of the greatest thieves to ever walk Cyrodiil.

Dafydd ap Gwilym collects the stories of heroes and their victories over the many dangers that the world presents. For the purchase price of this contract, this renown bard shall sing of the exploits of the greatest monster slayer Cyrodiil has ever known. The number of creatures killed by you will be greatly exaggerated by the as s/he sings of your exploits from Anvil to Bruma. Becoming known as a protector of civilization in a wild world, your fame shall grow.
Dafydd can teach you tricks on how to kill certain monsters and he also knows a few good stories about other adventurers.

Chansson is an argonian with connections to the Dark Brotherhood, the Mauraders and several other nefarious groups. For the purchase price of this contract, this renown bard shall warn others of the dark deeds committed by the most evil serial killer every to stalk the streets of Cyrodiil at night. The bard will not only greatly exaggerate the number of people that you have ruthlessly killed in cold blood, but also tell how you would skin your victims and eat parts of their bodies. He will frighten old maids by describing how you feed unsuspecting potential victims the stewed remains of your last work. Becoming known as an enemy of all that is good, your infamy shall rise.
Chansson loves to kill, but more than that, he loves to make people laugh. Although he's a hopeful comedian, most peoople find his jokes too twisted and insulting to regard him well. Still, he will at least entertain himself by joking with anyone who listens to him.

Luke is a mysterious bard that appears only at night. He sings songs and relates stories that make children cry and women huddle close to their men. Yet, some of his tales seem to be a yearning for bright days and the feel of the warm sun on his skin. For the purchase price of this contract, this renown bard shall sing dirges relating to your deeds as a creature of the night. You will be spoken of as being a very ancient vampire who has fed on countless people. Your number of days as a vampire and the number of people you have fed on will be greatly exaggerated thanks to the bards master storytelling. Your infamy shall grow since your name will become synonymous with evil, itself.
Luke tells stories about things he knows about personally and these have to do with the creatures of the night. He loves a mystery, as well.

Cairpre is a bard who collects the stories of all types of people. He will offer any of the above contracts. He knows a lot about history and tells the stories of past heroes, specializing in trivial bits that most people do not know. He also sings of things he's encountered personally.

Mufasha is a Khajitt who is said to mingle with the various bandit gangs. For the purchase price of his contract, this bard shall use his connections within the various bandit gangs of Cyrodiil to make you known to its leaders. He will brag about how many people you have robbed and make it known that it is in their own best interest that you join them. With his winged words, you will become known and welcomed by these rogues.
Mufasha sings bawdy songs that most would find offensive, but these are tinged with a good amount of humor

Orrlean is a Redguard Conjurer who knows several of the Conjurer Covens in Cyrodiil. For the purchase price of this contract, this bard shall use her connections within the various Conjurer covens of Cyrodiil to make you known to those that are in power there. She will tell them of your skills in summoning daedric servants and boast of your own loyalty to the Daedric masters. With her winged words, you will become welcome among Conjurers.
Orrlean has made a pilgrimage to every daedric altar in Cyrodiil and has gathered some strange stories about the beings they are dedicated to. She also knows of the great rewards these daemons are offering, and can tell you the history behind them.

Raptor is a Khajitt who is also an Executioner with the Dark Brotherhood. For the purchase price of this contract, this bard shall use his connections within the Dark Brotherhood to make you known to those that are in power there. He will talk up how skillfully you have dispatched your assignments and make it known that your loyalty to the Brotherhood and Sithis is unbound. With his winged words, you are advanced one level in the guild of assassins.
He tells stories of his culture, his faction and his favorite hero, Cheshire Bloodclaw.

Skald is a bard who is also a Protector with the Fighers' Guild. For the purchase price of this contract, this bard shall use his connections within the Fighters Guild to make you known that you are a warrior who stands out among heroes. He will tell them of your skills with all weapons and your advanced armor training. With his winged words, you will advance one rank in the Fighters Guild.
Skald tells the stories of people currently living in Cyrodiil.

Hypatia is renown for her wisdom and power. She is respected as much as the arch-mage and is often consulted by him in many circumstances. For the purchase price of this contract, this bard shall use her connections with the Archmage to make it known that you are a mage who stands out among the greatest wizards. She will tell him of your skills with all forms of magic and your hatred of necromancy. With her winged words, you will advance one rank in the Mages Guild.
Before joining the Mages' Guild, Hypatia studied under a mysterious wizard of immense power. She speaks of his wisdom, his might and her love for him.

Burpt mod Belcher is an orcish bard who often entertains for the Marauder gangs of Cyrodiil with bawdy drinking songs. For the purchase price of this contract, this bard shall use his connections with the the various Marauder groups to make it known that you are a warrior who takes no crap from anyone and doesn't need any guild to tell him how great he is. He will tell them of your combat skills, but most importantly, he will convey to them your love of looting and pillaging. With his winged words, you will be welcome among the Marauders that cause such havoc across the land.
Burp's focus lay in where his next drink is coming from.

Iana is an acolyte with the Mythic Dawn, but her main love is song. For the purchase price of this contract, this bard shall use her connections with the the Mythic Dawn to make it known that you are a loyal devotee to Mehrunes Dagon. She will tell them that even though your magical powers are great, you are subservient to the true power that is this Daedric prince. With her winged words, you will be welcome among the members of the Mythic Dawn.
She tells stories relating to her faction and her favorite heroine.

Joscelyn is a bard who frequents cemeteries for inspiration and in her travels, she has made friends with several Necromancers who have come to know her. For the purchase price of this contract, this bard shall use his connections with the the various Necromancer cults to make it known that you are a powerful practitioner of their dark arts and an enemy of the Mages Guild. He will tell them that you spend more time among the dead than the living. Residing, sleeping and even eating along with them. With his winged words, you will be welcome among Necromancers.
Joscelyn tales stories known to her faction.

IMPORTANT!!!
For advancement in a regular guild (Mages, Fighters, Arena, Dark Bros,, Thieves), you must already be a part of that guild. If you have not already joined, then nothing will happen if you buy a contract.

ALSO IMPORTANT!!!
Also, it is possible for a contract to get you the highest rank in the guild (ex. Arch-Mage). You get all of the benefits when you increase the rank, like the Arch-Mage's quarters, but there will still be the original leader running around. I can't work around that, I'm afraid, so consider yourself interim-leader until the actual quest is done and the official leader steps aside.

ALSO, ALSO IMPORTANT!!!
When you tell a bard to get you in with bandits, Mythic Dawn, Necromancers, Conjurers, or Marauders, you become known as one of them to the rest of Cyrodiil, as well. Don't expect as warm of a welcome in the civilized world. The Mages Guild will have a lowered reaction to you as a necromancer. Blades don't care for conjurers very much and they hate the Mythic Dawn. Fighters' Guild members don't like Marauders. Marauders and Bandits don't like each other. Adventurers hearing that you are part of any of these groups will like you a bit less. Oh, and Martin will just plain hate you if you are known to be with the Mythic Dawn. So, choose your friends wisely. Although you will be able to stroll through their lairs unmolested, you may find yourself with enemies you did not count on.

ALSO, ALSO, ALSO IMPORTANT
Once you are known across the land as part of an evil group, there is no turning back. People are not going to change their minds about you once they've heard about you. (There is a way to reverse this through the console, however, so check the Comments section for that)

INSTALLATION
This file you should unzip,
Into your Data folder it should slip.
Do what you want with the read me
You've read it above; its just a copy.

POSSIBLE PROBLEMS
Sometimes the bards don't offer anything to sell the first time you talk to them. Just try again, and the option to trade should come up.

CONFLICTS
Only mods that alter the inns of Cyrodiil may be a problem because that's where the Levelled lists are.

THANKS
Bethesda (where is TES 5???)
the Modding Community (you guys all rock!)
Hermes/Mercury/Thoth, god of modding, communications, computers, and this whole internet thing

CREDITS
Hypatia's stories were inspired by the Book of Eibon, except for Prophecies which is an easter egg.
Beer, Glorious Beer is an old tavern song of unknown origin
the Stonecutter is based on an old Oriental proverb
the Worm-Lich Lovecraftian is derived from "the Festival" by HP Lovecraft
Dringo Belle was inspired by the mediaeval song, Dringo Bell
"The Maid Went a-Swimming" and "No Balls" are tavern songs of unknown origin.
Some of Chansson's jokes were adapted from real jokes in the vein of the "dumb Blonde" jokes people tell