Want hand-based "unarmed" weapons that pack a wallop? Tired of weird guns stealing the Wacky Weapons Stunt Show?

Might your next BIFF! and/or POW! be destined to tear your enemy apart
or otherwise more conventionally blow them up?

When you order "Punching's Greatest Hits" now, you'll get all that
bloody splodey action and more!
All the classics you know and love* are in this collection. * - Some or
all classics may not apply.
We recommend you put on some extended MondoLad or Slug-Away!! or Deadly
Altercation videogame or Blocky I-VI or Kung-Fu Youth cinematic
soundtracks as you knock some serious blocks off.

To get the vast majority of these weapons, head over to the All-Faiths
Chapel, where reformed bicycle enthusiast and former Coach Clements
(with known alias "Doc") has made a sanctuary and new life for himself
as Diamond City's one and only nondenominational pastor and spiritual
guidance counselor. Piper is also rumored to be harboring her own
special weapon and down at the Masticator's Gym, the secret of the
everlasting Snowclone is said to be revealed.

"Punching's Greatest Hits" includes these timeless classics the family
will love:

The Cage Match
Contrafister
Corner Pocket
Pinned Down!
Slug-Away!!
Studio Gibbly!

AND (not that) MANY MORE!

But that's not all!

When you call within the next INT_MAX hours, you'll get a chance to find
the ability to slow and speed up time absolutely FREE. For just pennies
a day, you can punch your foes into gooey, shatter-y, or explode-y
oblivion, clone them, and then do it all again in slow motion.

Please send help.

Our download servers are standing by.